Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
