whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
