He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
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