The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
