So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
