I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
