You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
