I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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