Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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