Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
