Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
