So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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