just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
