On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
