The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
