I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
