How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
