My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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