i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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