Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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