all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
