i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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