I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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