Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
