The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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