Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
