Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
