I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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