Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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