I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
