he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
