Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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