Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
