nut hugger
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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