Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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