this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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