I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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