tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
