She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
