I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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