why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
