Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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