whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
