I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
