smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
