you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize