Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize