There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
