I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
