rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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