My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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