She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I just sharted jello shots
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
