just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
