More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh god it's open bar.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
