one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Panties = found
Randomize
