He kissed a someone with a penis
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
