i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
