There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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