its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dear god my vagina.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
