I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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