IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize