i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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