is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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